only every other memory

"When we wake, we will find that our minds will be free..."

2006-07-24T19:42:28Z

When did we get so old?

I was at the park today and these 14 year olds (they might have even been younger!) were there, and they were all decked out in their 1/2 emo 1/2 skater wear. It was rediculous. They all had their ipods. Then some girls showed up. They were like 3/4 skater 1/4 emo, and they kept giving the guys hugs. One of the kids had a skateboard, and another one said rather loudly that he liked the song "Stairway to Heaven" and that he frequently listened to it on his ipod.

My GOD.

Please please please assure me that we are not walking stereoypes, and that people don't look at US the way that I looked at them. lol.

Love, Ash

Pictures

"You can't change later... here and now, just how we can feel..."

2006-06-26T16:10:20Z

Does ANYONE have photoshop that can send me the program over like, AIM or Email or something? I know it's a lot to ask, but I can't find my old vs. 8 disk for the life of me, and my free trial of C2 is running out in 12 days. I just opened a graphics community, so it would be REALLY lame if I had to close it next week. PLEASE get back to me. PLEASE PLEASE. I'll owe you so huge.

Love, Ashley

"It's never too late to be alone..."

2006-06-25T03:25:11Z

I'm addicted to www.toothpastefordinner.com

Here are some of my favorites:

MY FAVORITE ONE <3 (Can you guess why? lol):

Love, Ash

"To get the sensation, of you coming home..."

2006-06-18T17:49:42Z

I rarely post in here anymore, but when I saw this I thought this was SUCH a cool idea I just had to do it:

-----
1. Think of the first word that comes to mind when you think of me.

2. Run a Google image search on that word.

3. Reply to this entry & post one of the pictures from your search, but don't tell me what the word was.

4. Put this in your journal, so I can post a picture for you!
-----

<3 Ash

"The rock here has melted, only diamonds now remain..."

2006-06-03T04:37:09Z

I know I haven't posted in a really long time. I don't know where to start, so I'll just let all these pictures speak 1000 words. This is what I've been up to lately:

Love, Ash

"I want to believe her..."

2006-03-03T22:10:00Z

These lyrics were just worth posting. This isn't a Minnesota band, but it still makes me proud to live here (in the same way Atmosphere lyrics do...)

I made Minnesota my home tonight
It's not like the picture in my mind
'Cause I was so alone it killed tonight
I'd tell any soul.. if I could find one

I feel alright it's a Minnesota night
You’ve got nothing left to show me but you’re smile
Stars so bright on this Minnesota night
Can we cut the conversation for a little while?

Love, Ash

"You thought you could dream, but forgot to some how..."

2006-02-28T23:08:29Z

I don't write in this journal at all anymore. I am not really sure why, either. Maybe it's because Facebook has taken over my life? I don't know

For those of you who care, this semester is going a lot better than the last. My grades are fantastic, and I'm really improving as far as my attitude and commitment. I have a lot more friends, and I'm taking better care of myself, too.

I don't remember what I've written in here lately... and I don't have too much to say. It's funny, entries are easier to write when I'm happy. I don't want to give up on this journal 100%, though, because I've had it since the August before 9th grade. I mean, come on, that was almost 6 years ago!! I have to keep writing. But I find myself with nothing to say. *sigh*

Love, Ash

"I felt like I just laid my head to rest..."

2006-02-14T22:15:45Z

Do this for me, it's pretty cool:

Johari Window

PS- Happy Valentines Day!

Love, Ash

"But that's what makes you beautiful..."

2006-02-04T08:04:54Z

Magazines and TV Shows always have those "Top 10 Hottest" lists... so I decided because it's 1:30 am and I'm AMAZINGLY BORED, I'd create my own. Here it is... the 10 sexiest people on earth, according to Moi:

Love, Ash

"Cause if you don't laugh you cry, a last cresendo when you die..."

2006-01-18T21:20:27Z

Thanks to Jackie's "nudge" I'm posting in here. I really have nothing to write. I'm packing to go to my Dad's, and then it's back to school on Sunday. Lovely.

-Project Runway 2 owns my soul.
-Winter break was amazing. Thanks to those I got to share it with.
-Ashley Parker Angel's new music is addictive.
-If this one guy turns out to be cute, I might have a boyfriend really soon.
-I'm addicted to Facebook, and that's the reason I rarely post in here.
-I'll post more when I get settled at my dads... or in RF.

Love, Ash

"Writing a memory, or writing a rhyme-- thinking about what's right or wrong."

2006-01-06T02:05:28Z

"I walked over to the hill where we used to go and sled.

There were a lot of little kids there. I watched them

flying.

Doing jumps and having races.

And I thought that all those little kids are going to grow up someday.

And all of those little kids are going to do
the
things
that
we
do.

And they will all kiss someone someday. But for now, sledding is enough.

I think that it would be great if sledding were always enough,

but it isn't."

-Perks of Being a Wallflower

"I get all my bad habits watching you... it's true."

2006-01-03T09:37:27Z

I'm over it. I'm over it. I'm over it.

I AM OVER IT.

It's not even the IT that I'm over the most, it's this whole post-IT stuff.

(I totally didn't even realize that said Post-It.)

It's 2006. I refuse to continue relating every song on CMT's top 20 countdown to my "life," because that isn't my life. At least it isn't anymore.

When things go wrong, move along... move along.

If I didn't stalk people on Livejournal this wouldn't be a problem. Then people (who don't deserve it?) could live their perfect lives and I wouldn't have to know about it.

GRRRRR!!!!!!!

This entry just broke like, 50 of my New Years resolutions- but it's 3:30 in the morning and I just DIDN'T need to read what I read a minute ago.

Love, Ash

"Tied up and twisted the way I like to be... crash into me."

2005-12-28T00:56:39Z

My New Years resolution is to live in the moment. I am the crazy chick from How to Lose a Guy in 10 days, only somehow, I manage to lose them in 10 hours. I have to start focusing on the present, and not what might happen next, or what happened last time. Hopefully this will work.

I really hate fake people. Like people who act innocent when they know they aren't, or those who judge others for something they do as well. If you say that you have trust issues, and then turn around and are completely untrustworthy, then who's really to blame? UGH! But, it is funny, I haven't run across ANY of those people since I left RF for break.

Last night Erika and I went down to Uncommon and had a great little night, despite almost being raped & killed by a drunk homeless man. But oh well, that's just another night in Minneapolis for us. heh. We ran into Mike up there (hmmm.... coincidence, lol) and after I went home that night, he called me up and we went back to his place. We actually had a conversation for most of the time, too, it was very odd. He's different in a lot of ways. January will mark 3 years since we've been doing this When Harry Met Sally charade. I have no idea what's going to happen, but guess what? I don't care. This is me, living in the moment.

My Schedule for the Rest of the Week:
Tomorrow: Scrapbooking w/ my Aunt
Thursday AM: Hair appointment
Thursday Afternoon: Shopping w/ Courtney for party outfits
Thursday PM: Birthday Dinner in the City w/ my Friends
Friday: Grandma's house for Hanukkah w/ my Mom (My dad and her have seperate parties, lol)
Saturday PM: New Years Eve party @ an undisclosed location (haha Hallie)
Sunday: Lunch w/ the Girls for Mon's & My Birthday

Love, Ash

"Her favorite fruit is chocolate cherries---- nothing from the ground is good enough."

2005-12-26T00:48:04Z

My Presents (B-Day & Christmas/Hanukkah Combined) are as follows:

225 dollars (total) cash
Digital Camera
Fantasy by Britney Spears Perfume
50 dollar gift card to Marshal Fields
2 Sweaters
3 Really cute Tanktops
The newest Hilary Duff CD
Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants DVD
A bunch of Makeup & Accessories
2 Books (He's Just Not That Into You & It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken)
100 dollars to get my hair done this week sometime
Victoria Secret "Pink" Lime Green Sweatpants
New towels (Thanks Grandma....)
A Bathrobe, socks, and Slippers
Whatever I want @ H&M (Shopping w/ my Aunt on Wednesday)

I'll update this list after my Bday parties. :)

Love, Ash

"I lost my soul, on the road, 'bout an hour ago..."

2005-12-24T15:44:08Z

Yesterday was my birthday, though it was VERY anti-climactic. I did, however, get 155 dollars and a digital camera. So that's good. Today my Grandpa is coming over, and tomorrow it's off to my Grandma's. I know she got me the new Britney Spears perfume, so I have that to look forward to- and I'm pretty sure that aside from money, my Grandpa got me the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants on DVD. So whoo!! lol. I'm actually excited for the next couple of days. My mom and I aren't even done with our shopping, so we're gonna do that this morning once we both get dressed. After X-mas, it's just more exciting chaos until the following weekend. Monday I'm spending with Erika in Uptown, Tuesday is a Bday party w/ Hallie and those guys (Casino, Dinner), Wednesday I'm shopping w/ my Aunt for my Bday present (H&M), Thursday is a Bday party w/Erika and that group (Chino Latino's), Friday is the Hanukkah party....... and then, who knows? I'm so glad to be home. It really IS where my heart is. <3

Love, Ash

"I hope you make it to heaven, waiting for life here on earth..."

2005-12-21T06:18:22Z

Whenever I get bored I start looking at my archieves. Since I've had this journal since the August before 9th grade, it's always eye opening to see what I was doing/thinking back in the day. This time I focused more on this year... the days leading up to college. I was so unbelieveably optimistic. Wow. I wrote all about the guys I thought were cute, and how great this year was going to be. In September I also wrote how "November might turn out to be the best month ever," and ironically it was BY FAR the worst. Oh well. Those days are in the past.

It's 12:15 am, and I should be sleeping, but I can't. I'm not even tired in the slightest. I have a Theory final at 10:30am tomorrow... and I never studied or did the extra credit. Maybe I should wake up early tomorrow and try to do it. Hmm.. I guess that's one option.

I can't believe this Semester is almost over. Two finals left!

Now, I don't think this is exactly true:

You Are a Very Bad Girl

You are 10% Good and 90% Bad
As they say, good girls go to heaven and bad girls go everywhere!
You make most bad girls look like angels - and have a hell of a time along the way.

Are You a Good Girl or a Bad Girl?

but I figured I'd post it anyway.

And THIS is HILARIOUS....

Your Reputation Is: Maneater

You're the kind of girl all the chicks hate...
And guys are both scared of you yet strangely drawn in.

What's Your Reputation?

It's funny... when it comes to Sex and the City... I'm am 100% Samantha on the surface... but I am 200% Charlotte in my heart. I wish I could go back to being like that again in my day to day life, but I don't see it happening any time soon. The optimism is just too much for me right now.

<3 Ash

"And now you're half way around the world... and I'm just a day behind

2005-12-20T21:34:24Z

Haha, alright, so I'm a HUGE dork. I was waiting in the Math office to talk to my teacher, and I picked up the book "The Missing Piece" by Shel Silverstein, and I started to cry when I read it!!!! It's the most amazing little book. I wish I would have known that before so I could have asked for it for Christmas/My bday, but I'm afraid it might already be too late.

The book tells the story of this little circle that's missing a piece out of it. And it rolls along thinking that it isn't good enough because of it's missing piece. And on his journey he finds a bunch of pieces, and tries to make them fit, but they're either too big or too small. He comes across this piece that fits him, but the little piece says "I am not a missing piece, I am my own piece," and doesn't want to connect with the circle. So, he continues his quest, singing his little song about how he wants to find his missing piece, and he finally FINALLY finds a piece that's the perfect size and fit, and wants to be one with him. So they connect together, create a whole... and roll away. But the circle then realizes that with this piece filled in, he can't roll as well anymore- and he can't sing anymore either. That he wasn't really missing a piece- that was just the way he was supposed to be. So he detaches from the piece and happily rolls away.

Okay, so I might be looking into this WAYYYYYYYY too much, but I think that is the most beautiful/romantic story ever. We all think that we're missing a piece of ourselves, and try to find it in others... we come across some people who aren't perfect fits, or they just don't want to be with us. And even when we DO find a perfect fit or match, we realize that to connect with them we can no longer be ourselves. We have to give up who we were before.

*sigh* This is what happens when no one pays attention to me!!!! hahahaha.

Bday countdown: 3 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love, Ash

"I know... you were the last good thing about this part of town."

2005-12-20T00:11:59Z

I actually worked today- like, mad crazy. I finally felt like an actual productive student. I wrote THREE papers (!!!) and did some math worksheets today. It was crazy. I tried to study for my Geology final tomorrow, until I realized that I need to read 450 pages worth of material. I don't know WHAT I'm going to do. Maybe I should have gone to that class more often?! lol.

In other news... well, there isn't much other news. I had a nice little talk w/ Kyle Tennis this afternoon about what happened w/ me and his friend Friday night (the 'I don't like you' speech guy) and he basically assured me that the kid has been acting strange lately... so I shouldn't be too worried. lol. He also said that all night he was telling him how much he liked me!!!! WHAT THE HECK!?! Oh well. It's in the past.

Moving on.

It's 4 days until my birthday! I'm so pumped. I think I finally got all the plans worked out. I can't wait to see everyone. I miss Erika so much it's insane. Same goes for Jackie. And Nick. Oh yeah, and Hallie! Oh yeah, and everyone else, too!!! It's so hard to have pieces of your heart scattered all over the country.

Jeff (my Saturday night date) wanted to know if I'd be free to go out again before J-Term. Ehhhh.... I don't know. I'm SUCH an idiot, too, because it's like.. I'm sitting around getting annoyed with all the guys who AREN'T calling me back, and then when Jeff actually calls me back I get annoyed with THAT! Maybe there really ISN'T any pleasing me. *sigh*

Love, Ash

"I'm just a notch in your bed post... but you're just a line in a song."

2005-12-19T02:14:39Z

So, this was definetly an interesting weekend. Some people said stuff to me that totally changed the way I look at things. Friday night I ended up having dinner & drinks with this guy I kinda always thought was cute since I got to RF. That WAS fun... we have a BUNCH in common... but then it turned sour. Go figure. The next morning when I could tell he was preparing to give me the "I don't actually like you" speech I asked "Are you going to make me cry?" and he said "No... but you might make yourself cry." That totally threw me for a loop, because it's so true. People can't MAKE you feel anything- you allow yourself to react to things the way that you do.

Then last night I went out w/ that Facebook guy, Jeff. It was actually pretty fun. We went Mini Golfing, and then to Buffalo Wild Wings. It was a nice little date... but I don't know if there was any chemistry on my end. He said something that kind of sent up a red flag. The night ended with no kiss. I think he was too shy to make a move.

Am I being too picky? I know that sounds ironic, given how I've acted lately... but I'm talking about RELATIONSHIPS. Are you supposed to hold out for the perfect person, or just try to find an imperfect person that's perfect for YOU?

Tonight is totally lame. I want to hang out with ANYONE but everyone is studying. I don't have any finals tomorrow!!! I almost wish I did. I'm kind of pissed at myself, too, because out of all the stuff I've done this week, there is ONE specific night that stands out the most and I've been thinking about it all week. Everyone is convincing me that I'm crazy though. It's almost like I had to pick the guy who I know would want to be with me the LEAST, just so I could be disapointed or something.

After all of this happened, I had this conversation with my roomate:

There's this "accident forgiveness" thing offered by this car insurance commercial, and when it came on I said "I need like, 'accident forgiveness' from God," and Renee goes: "No, Ashley. You need 'accident forgiveness' from yourself."

WOW. Ugh, I love her to death.

So... this week is finals... and then I'm going HOME. It's going to be so weird. I wonder if I'll see any RF people over break. I wouldn't be too traumatized if I didn't see anyone from school... but I can think of a few people I might miss. I don't really know many people here that live in my area anyway, but we'll see.

5 day's until my Birthday!!!!!!!!!! SO EXCITING!!

xox Ash

ps- Why is the smiley face for "dirty" so unhappy looking? Maybe that's a sign.

"If it feels good and sounds nice then its your choice. Dont doubt yourself, dont even think twice"

2005-12-16T15:19:40Z

After much thought, I realize I've been over reacting. I think I have like, a dependency addiction. I can't just allow myself to get comfortabe being alone. I want to take care of someone. I suppose I could try to take care of myself...

So, on a lighter note, yesterday someone asked me if I got a boob job!!! lol. I just laughed, cuz everyone who knows me KNOW'S that if I ever did that, I'd get them like... huge. Who would buy breasts my size?! lol. But this guy was just like "I don't remember them ever being that big." I suppose he never really looked before. That just made me laugh.

Some random guy on Facebook asked me out on a date!!! I actually said yes, cuz I'm an idiot (read the first paragraph of this entry)... so now I have to go out tomorrow night on some semi-blind date. I feel bad for not being more excited, cuz this guy seems super into it... but I've been on like, guy overload this week. I don't know. I'm a mess.

I can't wait to go home to AV/Lakeville/EP. I miss my friends. I'm getting my hair done, and I'm gonna try to look like a totally different person. I know that's not possible, since I've had every color/cut of hair a person can have, but I don't want my 19th year to be as murky as 18 was. (Alright, that's not fair... 18-18.5 was the best year of my life... it was 18.5-19 that kinda sucked.)

I'm getting a digital camera for my bday this year, so I'll be posting tons of pictures in here. I'll keep ya updated on the happenings of my break. I'm sure it will just be filled with shopping w/ Jackie, and Uptown chillin w/ Erika. But that's all I'd ever want to do with my life anyway.

Okay, some totally random guy from a party I was at like, a month ago just asked me to come over and snuggle. WHAT THE HECK!? lol. I feel like I did back in highschool. Which, reminds me of this quote I must share.

Samantha: A guy could just as easily dump you if you fuck on the first date as he can if you wait until the tenth.
Miranda: When have you ever been on a tenth date?

I dedicate that to <3Erika<3, because she is the Miranda to my Samantha.

I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU GUYS!!!!!!!!!! 7 DAYS!!!!!

Love Always and Forever, Ash

"Try not to focus on yourself, share that love with someone else..."

2005-12-15T22:09:26Z

I've been watching way too much Sex & the City lately, which always gets me overanalyzing things... so here's my Carrie-esque question:

Is there really such a thing as 'No Strings Attached' hooking up, or is that just something that we convince ourselves exisits so we wont be as hurt when we realize the other person doesn't like us back?

Love, Ash

"Listen deep 'cause you never know what you might hear..."

2005-12-14T23:56:54Z

So I made up my mind
I made up my mind
Gonna move on ahead
Instead of lagging behind

Half past seven
Way up in the heavens
Stars are singing in the sky
Lying half dressed
Your head upon my breast
Listening to the ocean's lullaby
-David Gray

So, I don't want to get to ahead of myself and say stuff is great, because the minute I do that it's gonna be like (insert atomic bomb sound effect here)... but things ARE pretty good. A lot better than a month ago, and 100x better than the rest of the year as a whole. This past weekend I was at home, and I got to hang out with Hallie. We ended up going to the TGIFridays @ the EP mall... and it was incredible. I hoped going home would suck, cuz then I'd miss it less, but I was so excited and happy to be with my friends. We were bullshitting like we used to back in the day, and I remembered that I actually HAVE a sense of humor and a personality. haha. It was really enlightening. So, I got back to school and said "Look. I'm gonna be here for AT LEAST 6 more months. Lets make those better then the last," and it actually worked!! This whole week I've been having tons of fun w/ my amazing roomate Renee, I've been on like... 3 dates (okay, so my definition of 'date' might be kind of messed up right now... but you gotta do what you gotta do, lol) and I've been doing alright in school. Our Percussion Ensemble concert went GREAT, and we have a Wind Ensemble concert tomorrow night that might be just as great. :)

So, like I said, I don't want to say that things are amazing because there is still a lot of hurdles to get over, but I'm on my way, full speed ahead, and I think that counts for something.

xox Ash

Ps- I'm OBSESSED with these lyrics:

Be a part of your own descision
See your future with tunnel vision
Take a chance if you want to survive
You do want to survive, don't you?
Be the talk of a conversation
Your a superstar out of isolation
Get the keys
It's your turn to drive

Well, there's people out there
And it's people we are
We're just voices with different choices
Smokin dope and rockin' out on guitars

I'm on a mission responsible
Say your good-byes

Well, i'm finding anything's possible
closing your eyes....
-Michael Tolcher, Mission Responsible

"They can't hurt you unless you let them..."

2005-12-03T03:23:38Z

That's it.

I'm done.

I'm officially jumping off a cliff.

I went out on a limb and said "okay, lets try this eharmony.com profile thing."

After AN HOUR of filling it out as honestly as I could, this is the message I recieved:

eHarmony is based upon a complex matching system developed through extensive research with married couples. One of the requirements for successful matching is that participants to fall within certain defined profiles. If we find that we will not be able to match a user using these profiles, we feel it is only fair to inform them early in the process.

We are so convinced of the importance of creating compatible matches to help people establish happy, lasting relationships that we sometimes choose not to provide service rather than risk an uncertain match.

Unfortunately, we are not able to make our profiles work for you. Our matching model could not accurately predict with whom you would be best matched. This occurs for about 20% of potential users, so 1 in 5 people simply will not benefit from our service. We hope that you understand, and we regret our inability to provide service for you at this time.

I don't know whether to burst out into laughter or tears.

<3 Ash

"Part of where I'm going, is knowing where I'm coming from..."

2005-11-23T19:01:45Z

Anyway. Things are alright. Everyone is home for Thanksgiving, so I got to go shopping w/ Jackie last night. That was SO fun! Friday I'm going to the new Art Museum downtown w/ Erika and Tommy, and then at night Erika and I are hittin' up our old spots in Uptown, hopefully, <3<3<3, Eventually after that we're chillin w/ Elysa, because this weekend is Blue Stars auditions... and her and I need to be there at like, 8am on Sat. morning. Then, it's back to school!!!

I heard some gossip from someone back at school that made me a little uneasy, so to get over it... I ended up dancing around my room like a freak with my sister. It's amazing how some Fall Out Boy and a crazy 4 year old can change your entire perspective on life.

Love, Ash

"I drive myself crazy... thinkin' of you."

2005-11-17T21:43:49Z

Okay, so I think I'm ready to post again. Not that any one reads this, but it is a pretty big step.

Things have slowly started to look up for me. I started out the week going to all of my classes just so that it would distract me from everything that happened this weekend... but the trend caught on, and so I've had perfect attendance all week- even despite the snow and cold weather!

I got a 71 on my math test, which is actually excellent considering I haven't passed a test with higher than a D since I've been in college. I've been participating in Math, too, and I remembered that I used to be pretty good at it. Once I started paying attention, I actually started to enjoy it. Well, a little. As much as one CAN enjoy math.

Theory is even starting to look up a little, too. We're writing music w/ Finale, so I feel like I'm actually a productive Music student now. It's a more relaxed classroom atmosphere... which helps a lot, too.

Percussion Ensemble is starting to pick up. I know my parts now, so I'm not getting yelled at. Band has been a little rough, mostly because whenever I get called out on something EVERYONE turns around to look at me. Oh well. I had a mild emotional breakdown in band on Monday (which was understandable), and then a mini one on Wednesday (due to the fact that Perc. didn't play, so all I had to do was sit and think.) But things are getting better more and more each day.

I kind of adapted the mentality of "if you've got nothing, you've got nothing to lose," so I've really been putting myself out there more when it comes to rehearsals and classes. That's a great thing, though. I really really DID used to be smart, and I haven't felt that way in SUCH a long time. But now that my priorities are more focused on MYSELF... I can slowly start showing other people how much I really know.

Ps- My new roommate is awesome.

Love, Ash